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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24655714">Blinded in Chains</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lopithecus/pseuds/Lopithecus'>Lopithecus</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Blind!Eddie Diaz, Blindness, Blindness caused by injury, Buck moves in with Eddie, Buck takes care of Eddie, Burns, Caring Evan "Buck" Buckley, Depression, Eddie Diaz Loves Evan "Buck" Buckley, Eddie Whump, Evan "Buck" Buckley Loves Eddie Diaz, Eventual Smut, Getting Together, Hurt Eddie Diaz, Hurt/Comfort, I'm sure I've forgotten to tag something so..., Injury, Injury Recovery, M/M, Major Character Injury, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Please let me know if you need something tagged! I'll happily add it!, Recovery, Slow Burn, Smut, Survivor Guilt, Worried Evan "Buck" Buckley, because he loves him</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 03:53:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>16,147</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24655714</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lopithecus/pseuds/Lopithecus</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p><i>"There is no despair so absolute as that which comes with the first moments of our first great sorrow, when we have not yet known what it is to have suffered and be healed, to have despaired and have recovered hope."</i> - George Eliot</p><p>The 118 are called to a factory fire. It all seems pretty routine until Eddie is told by one of the employees that they have canisters of highly explosive materials on site. With no time to get out, Eddie, a few other 118 crew members, and the employees are caught in an explosion with catastrophic consequences which change Eddie's life forever. Luckily, he has Buck there to help him through it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>83</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>144</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Title from the band Avenged Sevenfold. It was either this title or “Blinded by the Light” but I thought the latter sounded too upbeat for this angst fest.</p><p>Though I know it's not going to be everyone's cup of tea, I'm honestly really excited about this fic!</p><p>Please enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They are called out to a routine factory fire sometime in the afternoon. It’s nothing they haven’t dealt with in the past before. In fact, fires at factories are actually quite normal. Fires either start because of negligence from an employee or, and much more common, from faulty equipment due to the owner cutting corners. So, it’s not surprising when they are called out to one once again. It’s also not shocking to see the fire blazing out of control when they arrive. These factories do tend to go up fast and spread quickly.</p><p>Once the situation is assessed, Bobby rounds up the team to give orders. Dispatch had said there were some people trapped inside; five on the West side of the building and another seven on the East side. With how much the building is already engulfed in flames, everyone knows they are going to have to work fast to get those people out. That’s why when Bobby announces their duties, he separates him and Buck. Bobby needs his best firefighters leading the way.</p><p>“Buck,” Bobby addresses. “I want you to take point on the West side. Eddie, take the East. Gather a team of three or four.” He then adds more firmly, “No unnecessary risks. If it gets too dangerous, leave immediately. Now go. Be thorough but quick.” It’s the closing line that Bobby always gives them before they, or any of the other 118 members, enter a burning building.</p><p>Eddie and Buck exchange quick glances at one another, nodding curtly, before running off to gather their team. Eddie gives a brief rundown of the plan to the four other crew members he picks and then leads the way into the building. He and Buck start at the same entrance but soon separate in order to go in the direction of their intended targets. Unfortunately for them, the door is farther from the East side of the building than it is the West which means Eddie’s team has farther to travel. They carefully pick their way through the fire and debris of the building, putting out as best they can any fire that blocks their way. Soon enough, they reach the door that dispatch had told them the people were hold up in.</p><p>Eddie yells out, hoping he can be heard over the fire. “LAFD!” He tries the doorknob and it turns easily in his grasp. Pushing the door open, he sees five people huddled in a corner, all of them holding one another, and two unconscious people lying close by them. He gestures towards the people for his team to gather and then approaches one of the employees that are unconscious, checking their pulse. “Alive!” he yells and then checks the other person. “This one too! Okay, people, let’s get them out.”</p><p>Two of the crew members pick up the unconscious people each, throwing them over their shoulders. Eddie briefly registers Buck’s voice over the walkie. “Cap, we’re on our way out. Five people in need of medical attention. All conscious and alert.”</p><p>Eddie starts picking his way out of the room, conscious of the men and women following behind him as he reaches for his own walkie. He’s about to report their own situation when he notices the way they came is blocked. “Cap, we’ve got five people who are conscious and alert, two unconscious. All in need of medical attention. Our way has been blocked and will need to find a different way out.”</p><p>“Copy that, Diaz,” Bobby’s voice sounds from the walkie. “Keep me updated.”</p><p>Eddie turns to one of the employees. “Is there another exit around here?”</p><p>A woman, probably in her early thirties, shakes her head. “There’s another one in this wing of the building but on the other side.” She looks like she’s about to panic.</p><p>“Okay, everybody, stay calm. We’re going to get you out of here,” Eddie reassures before turning back around and making his way in the direction the woman had told him. They go until their way is blocked again and Eddie has to change directions once more to try and make it past the fallen debris. Slipping carefully through a doorway with its door missing, he enters a room that has minimal fire in it but heavy with smoke that makes it hard to see.</p><p>“We can’t be in this room!” one of the employees announces with alarm.</p><p>Eddie turns to him. “Why?”</p><p>All the employees’ eyes are wide with fear as the man answers him. “We have canister mixtures of chlorate and magnesium chloride in here.”</p><p>Eddie’s heart almost stops in horror. “Why do you have that here? Dispatch didn’t disclose this.”</p><p>“The company wanted to expand their horizons but are cutting corners to do so,” the same woman who had told him about the door states.</p><p>“We need to get out of here now!” Eddie says urgently, ushering the crew and employees back the way they came. They are already pretty far into the room and fire is quickly spreading around them. They don’t have much time.</p><p>Grabbing his walkie, Eddie practically yells into it. “Cap, we have chlorate and magnesium chloride mixtures in the building!” He looks behind himself, trying to gauge if any of the fire is by the canisters but the smoke is too thick to see through. “I repeat, there are-”</p><p>He sees the light from the explosion first before the impact of the blast. Then he feels it as it pushes him back into one of the employees, shoving them against a wall. His head hits hard and he doesn’t know what happens after that. Everything turns dark, blackness surrounding him.</p><p>*~~~*</p><p>When he wakes, all he can hear is an incessant ringing in his ears. But that is <em> nothing </em> compared to the physical <em> pain </em> coursing through his body. It feels like his body is on fire, maybe it is, but Eddie can’t open his eyes because they hurt too. He opens his mouth, doesn’t know if he screams out because he can’t <em> hear </em> , but he can’t breathe either. Oh God, it hurts to <em> breathe </em>.</p><p>A hand, or what he assumes to be a hand, lands on his shoulder and he tries to get away from it. It causes an intense stinging sensation to go from his shoulder down into his aching hand. He screams again, or at least he thinks he does, and there are more hands and he wants them to stop touching him. Please stop touching him!</p><p>“Dee!” Eddie tries to breathe, focus on the voice that just barely reaches his ears. They’re still ringing loudly, annoyingly, and when he tries to reach up to his ears, he realizes he can’t move his arms. “Eddie!”</p><p>“Buck?” Eddie mouths, once again not sure if he’s actually said anything. “Buck?” he thinks he must sound frantic but he doesn’t care because everything is <em> on fire </em>. </p><p>“It’s going to be okay!” Buck’s voice, barely reaching him.</p><p>“Buck!” Eddie cries and if he could open his eyes he’s sure tears would be spilling from them.</p><p>“I’ve got you, Eddie.” A hand runs through his hair. Does he still have hair? “Chimney and I are going to get you out of here.”</p><p>He doesn’t end up knowing how they get him out. He passes out just after Buck stops talking. Or maybe he doesn’t stop talking, Eddie doesn’t know, the ringing is still there. He welcomes sleep, though, if only to get away from the searing pain.</p><p>*~~~*</p><p>The scene is horrific when Buck, Chimney, and a few other 118 firefighters wheel Eddie away to an ambulance. When Buck had heard that the factory had chlorate and magnesium chloride mixtures in the building, he felt his heart drop into his stomach. He had prayed that Eddie and the rest of the team would make it out in time.</p><p>They didn’t.</p><p>The explosion wasn’t actually that big, it not even taking out half the building, so Buck assumes there weren’t a lot of the canisters in there. It was, however, destructive to the surrounding rooms, the initial blast taking down a supporting wall, which then caused part of the building to collapse. Eddie is extremely lucky it didn’t fall on top of him. Some of the employees and one of the crew members of the 188, weren’t so lucky.</p><p>He leaves other crew members to dig through the rubble as he runs along with the stretcher that Eddie has been placed on. Chimney is keeping pace, trying to keep Eddie alive who has just passed out, holding a saline bag high above his head. Buck’s eyes start to sting as he watches the proceedings and tries to blink away the tears that are threatening to fall.</p><p>Sniffling, he looks Eddie over. The older man’s helmet had come off at some point. Buck assumes it was from the blast of the explosion. His face also looks pretty badly burned, especially around his eyes, and his turnout gear is… well, it’s completely destroyed. Buck’s mind keeps supplying him with the realization that Eddie is extremely lucky to still be alive and that it could turn around at any moment.</p><p>As if on cue, Chimney states, “His BP is dropping! Starting compressions!” Chimney hops onto the stretcher, straddling Eddie’s body, and begins compressions. </p><p>Buck’s vision blurs as tears pool in them and he doesn’t even bother trying to rid them this time. They make it to the ambulance quickly and Buck has no choice but to let go of the stretcher to let the others load Eddie into the vehicle. His heart is beating frantically in his chest and tears are streaming incessantly down his cheeks.</p><p>“Buck!” Buck turns to Bobby, not bothering to hide the fact that he’s crying.</p><p>“I’m not leaving him!” Buck says immediately.</p><p>“I’m not asking you to,” Bobby reassures. “Just… keep me updated.”</p><p>Buck nods briefly before climbing into the ambulance. Chimney is sat beside him, having stopped the chest compressions, but according to the heart monitor Buck can see that he is stable again. Once Buck is settled, Chimney raps on the wall of the ambulance, letting the driver know they’re ready to go. The sirens immediately start blaring and before Buck knows it, they are rushing to the nearest hospital.</p><p>“Chim, what’s his status?” Buck dares to ask.</p><p>Chimney glances up at him before refocusing on Eddie. “It’s not looking good, Buck.”</p><p>Buck shuts up then, afraid to ask any more questions. He doesn’t want to hear the answers. Instead, he watches Chimney work as he tries to clean the burns as best he can. Buck is worried about Eddie’s face the most. It looks like it took the brunt of the flames from the explosion. If Eddie survives, he’s going to definitely have some scaring.</p><p>Eddie codes again halfway to the hospital. Buck does the compressions this time, jumping in immediately. It gives Chimney the opportunity to try to stabilize Eddie once more, pumping him with medications. As Buck presses hard on Eddie’s chest, tears from his eyes fall onto Eddie’s face. Buck can’t look away from it. Won’t look away from it. What if it’s the last time he sees it?</p><p>“Buck,” Chimney gets his attention. “He’s back, you can stop.”</p><p>Sniffling and wiping at his eyes with the back of his gloved hand, he sits back heavily. Chimney is eyeing him but doesn’t say anything. Buck is grateful for that. He doesn’t want to talk, doesn’t want to think, doesn’t want to <em> move </em>. He just wants to stare and watch Eddie, praying he’ll be okay.</p><p>They eventually make it to the hospital and quickly wheel Eddie out of the ambulance. No one argues with him when he follows the gurney inside and Chimney even comes with him. When he has to finally part from Eddie, the nurses rushing to wheel him into the back, that’s when he finally breaks completely.</p><p>His knees give out and he falls back into a chair that Chimney had, unbeknownst to Buck, guided Buck towards. A ragged sob escapes from his throat and out his mouth, tears streaming down his cheeks. Chimney sits down next to him, places a hand on his back, and allows him to cry. He cries so hard that he starts to hiccup and Chimney’s hand begins a path along his back, up and down and in circles. Buck hunches over and buries his face in his hands, trying to get his self-control back. He’s making a scene, he knows he is, and he needs to calm down, but it’s expected to bawl this hard in a hospital, right?</p><p>Eventually, he does stop, exhaustion taking over his entire body. He sags in the chair with the trash can situated between his legs. Chimney had handed him it with a box of tissues at some point and Buck had gratefully taken them. Now he feels tired and grief-stricken. They have no idea what is happening to Eddie, how he is, if he’s even still alive. All Buck needs to know is if Eddie is going to live.</p><p>“Hey,” Hen’s voice sounds quietly from Chimney’s side. Buck doesn’t know how long she’s been there. It looks like it’s been a little while. “How are you doing, Buckaroo? Do you want me to get you some water?”</p><p>He shakes his head. He is feeling pretty thirsty now but that’s not his top priority. Hen had been working on another member of the team when they had wheeled Eddie away. “How’s Garret?”</p><p>Hen’s face falls and Buck is suddenly afraid of the answer. She shakes her head in the negative, not bothering to voice what Buck already knows. “Briggs didn’t make it either nor did Sinclair. Hammond has just been brought in. He’s in pretty critical condition like Eddie.”</p><p>“The employees?” he asks quietly, almost inaudible.</p><p>Hen’s frown deepens and she shakes her head again. “None of them made it.”</p><p>Buck’s eyes fill with tears again and he reaches up to wipe them away stubbornly. “Where’s Bobby?”</p><p>“Talking to the Chief and then he has to make a statement.”</p><p>“They want him to make a statement now?” Buck asks, feeling sick to his stomach. “Three of his men just died and two of them still might and they want him…” Buck stops, choking on his anger. He bites his bottom lip to stop himself from ranting. No one comments on Buck’s outrage and instead sit back in their chairs to await news on both Eddie and Hammond.</p><p>An hour and a half later, with no word on Eddie yet, Bobby arrives. “How is he?”</p><p>Buck doesn’t bother looking up from his hands that he’s been staring at for the last twenty minutes. Bobby sits down in a chair across from him as Hen answers his question. “We haven’t’ heard anything yet.”</p><p>“I just checked on Hammond before coming this way,” Bobby says.</p><p>“And?” Chimney asks, sitting up straighter.</p><p>“They’re still working on him.” Buck glances up and has to look away from Bobby’s defeated face. “They’re not sure if he’s going to make it. It’s not looking good.”</p><p>“Did you call his wife?” Buck asks, speaking quietly. He stares at the floor, feeling helpless.</p><p>Bobby sighs and sits further back in his chair. “I did. She’s trying to get out of work early and seeing if the babysitter can watch their daughter for a little longer before a family member can pick her up.”</p><p>“What about the others’ families?”</p><p>Another sigh escapes Bobby’s lips. “I’ve called Briggs’ husband and informed him of what happened. He was understandably upset.”</p><p>“They were thinking about adopting a baby,” Hen announces. “Briggs had asked for my advice just the other day, wanting an LGBTQA friendly place and to know what organization Karen and I went through.” Buck’s heart breaks into a million pieces at that news, a new wave of grief passing through him.</p><p>“The Chief called Garret’s wife and Sinclair’s fiance. He wanted me to start the press conference instead,” Bobby continues.</p><p>“How’d that go?” Chimney questions.</p><p>Bobby hesitates and he has to clear his voice, as if it’s difficult to speak. “Bad.” He leaves it at that, not elaborating. Buck is fine with that. He doesn’t want to know more.</p><p>“What am I going to tell Christopher?” All eyes turn to him and he wonders if he hadn’t said it loud enough. He is practically whispering. “If Eddie doesn’t make it, how am I supposed to tell Christopher?”</p><p>“That’s my job, Buck,” Bobby says. “You don’t have to do that.”</p><p>“No!” Buck looks up, tears rolling down his eyes again. “No, Bobby if it’s Christopher, it has to be me. It has to come from me.”</p><p>No one else protests that, all seeming to understand what he’s trying to get at. Hen stretches over across Chimney’s lap and places a hand on his thigh. “Let’s cross that bridge if and when we get there, okay? For now, let’s just hope that both Eddie and Hammond make it.”</p><p>Buck bites his bottom lip to stop a whimper from escaping. He’s terrified that Eddie is going to die, that he and Christopher are going to lose him. But also, if he does survive, at what cost is it at? He looked like he had been badly burned and when they had wheeled him away, the nurses had seemed particularly concerned about the burns around Eddie’s eyes.</p><p>“I’ve called his grandmother and Carla already. Isabel is on her way and Carla said she can watch Christopher for the night,” Bobby informs him.</p><p>“What did she tell him?” Buck asks, worried for the child.</p><p>Bobby takes a breath. “She just told him that there was an accident at his Dad’s work and that he is in the hospital, for now, being taken care of.”</p><p>Buck frowns. “He must be so scared.”</p><p>“Carla will take good care of him,” Hen reassures. Buck nods in agreement and then goes back to staring at the floor. No one else talks after that.</p><p>Another hour goes by with no word on either Eddie or Hammond. Eddie’s Abuela is now sitting next to Buck, Chimney having moved to give her the seat, and gone to sit on Hen’s other side. Athena and May come walking into the waiting room, each holding trays with coffee on them. They divvy them up, everyone getting a cup. Buck takes the coffee offered to him and then sets it down on the floor. He doesn’t feel like drinking anything.</p><p>Athena goes to sit next to Bobby and May sits next to her. “Any news?” Athena asks.</p><p>Bobby shakes his head. “None. Not on either of them.”</p><p>She rubs a hand up and down Bobby’s thigh. “Let me see if I can get anything out of one of the nurses.” She stands and leaves, trying to find an available nurse.</p><p>May looks around the group, eyes landing on Buck. “How’d it happen?”</p><p>Buck’s eyes narrow in anger and he can’t help but snap at her. “That’s what you care about right now? Really?”</p><p>“Buck!” Bobby warns.</p><p>Buck turns away, tears burning his eyes. When Isabel tries to reach over to grab his hand, he pulls away and stands up, storming away. He makes it all the way outside before he’s collapsing against the brick wall, pulling his legs close to his chest. He shucks off his turnout coat and lays it down beside him before resting his chin on his knees. He’s crying again with all these different scenarios flying through his brain.</p><p>Eddie might die.</p><p>Eddie might die.</p><p>Eddie might die.</p><p>Buck doesn’t think he can handle that.</p><p>“Buck?” Buck turns his head to look at who said his name. May is standing there, watching him. She approaches cautiously. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that right now. It wasn’t the right time.”</p><p>Buck wipes at his eyes with his arm, ridding his face of most of the tears. “I’m sorry for snapping at you.”</p><p>She comes closer until eventually, she can sit down next to him. She links their arms together and leans her cheek onto his shoulder. “I’m sorry this is happening,” she mumbles.</p><p>She’s going to make him cry again but he can’t bring himself to care anymore. “Me too.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This is probably not accurate in the slightest but I just spent an hour looking for a chemical to explode so… just take everything with a grain of salt, including Eddie’s injuries. I tried looking things up about burns as well and got confused so… yeah, the tiniest grain.</p><p>Thank you for reading!! ❤❤</p><p> </p><p>  <a href="https://angelcamael.tumblr.com/">Tumblr</a><br/><a href="https://lopithecusfanfiction.tumblr.com/">Fanfiction Tumblr</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I just want to thank you all for reading this!</p><p>I hope you enjoy this second chapter as well!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Buck doesn’t know how long he and May sit there but he does know it’s for several minutes. The others are probably wondering where they are. When they are just about to get up, Buck spots a frantic looking woman in her early thirties, carrying a four-year-old girl. He quickly gets up and approaches her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beth!” he says in greeting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Buck!” She comes to a halt in front of him and looks at the little girl. “The babysitter couldn’t keep her and I couldn’t find anyone else to watch her.” She frowns, tears evident in her eyes. “I would have been here sooner but I couldn’t get out of work, I hate working there, they don’t care, and-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beth,” Buck cuts her off, reaching for the little girl. She gladly hands her over. “It’s okay. Let’s just get the two of you inside, okay? I can watch Chloe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth shakes her head. “No, I can’t ask you to do that, I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s your husband, Beth,” he says, trying to reassure her. “It’s fine, really.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hesitates before finally nodding. The three of them turn and walk back in, Buck quickly introducing her to May as Hammond’s wife and daughter. When they get back to the waiting room, Bobby immediately jumps up and so does Hen and Chimney. Athena stays where she is sat and May goes to join her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’s Isaac? Can I see him?” Beth asks before anyone else can say anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chimney looks at Buck cautiously. “Why don’t we bring little Chloe here over to the toys.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck nods in agreement and allows Bobby, Hen, and Beth to talk. He keeps an eye on them as he sets Chloe down by some toys, the little girl immediately going over to the bead maze rollercoaster toy. He watches as Beth listens closely, and as tears start rolling down her pink cheeks, and when she covers her mouth with her hand and starts sobbing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck turns to Chimney in alarm. “What happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chimney sighs heavily, sitting back in the chair. “Hammond crashed about twenty minutes ago. He’s on life support now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck’s heart thumps into his throat, making it hard to swallow. “Eddie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chimney shakes his head. “No word yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck bites his bottom lip and wills himself to not start crying again. He doesn’t want to scare Chloe plus his eyes hurt from all the crying he had done earlier. Chloe walks up to him, looking sad and confused. “Why is mommy upset?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck exchanges a look with Chimney before picking the little girl up and settling her into his lap. She snuggles up into his chest, curling into herself. “She just got some bad news.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was it?” she asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck takes a breath, closes his eyes, and then reopens them when he feels like he isn’t going to choke on whatever is lodged in his throat. “I’m sorry, sweetheart, but your mommy is going to have to tell you that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As if knowing what was happening, Beth slowly walks over to them, wiping at her eyes. “Chloe, honey, come on. We’re going to go see Daddy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chloe hops off Buck’s lap and lets her mom pick her up. “Is he okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth chokes on a whimper. “No, baby, he’s not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turns to leave but Buck stops her, standing and calling out to her. She turns back towards him, eyes wet with unshed tears. “I’m really sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nods and licks her lips. A tear escapes and she immediately wipes it away. “For all it’s worth, I really hope Eddie makes it.” She leaves then, a nurse showing her the way to her husband’s room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck watches her go sadly. “Does she have to choose?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whether or not to take him off life support?” Chimney confirms. He nods. “Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you do that? Just choose whether or not someone dies?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You won’t have to do that for Eddie, Buck,” Chimney reassures, reaching out and placing a hand on his shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck shrugs it off. “No, because that job is going to go to his parents.” Then, “Has anyone even called his parents?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure Bobby or Eddie’s grandmother did. Buck,” Chimney starts. “No one is going to have to make that decision. Eddie’s strong. He’s a fighter.” He then gives a couple of raps to Buck’s back, walking past him. “Come on, let’s go sit back down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck follows him slowly, his feet feeling like lead. Now, more than ever, he wants to know what is happening with Eddie. He sits down next to Chimney heavily, Eddie’s Abuela eyeing him from where she is still sitting. He avoids eye contact with her, suddenly embarrassed by his outburst earlier.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ten minutes later, a doctor finally comes out, asking for Eddie’s family. Each and every one of them stands up and walks over to the doctor, who looks from one to the other with wide, overwhelmed, eyes. “Are you all Mr. Diaz’s family?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Bobby answers immediately and Isabel doesn’t dispute it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor looks doubtful but continues anyway. “Mr. Diaz is currently being transferred to the ICU.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So he’s okay?” Buck asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For now,” the doctor says. “He has some significant burning on his hands and face as well as his torso.” Buck flashes back to how destroyed his turnout gear had been when they found him. He swallows thickly as the doctor continues. “His hands have third-degree burns on them, the right hand being worse than the left, and part of his face also has third-degree burns. The burns on his torso are second-degree burns. We’ll be monitoring them to make sure they don’t worsen. He has some broken ribs, a broken left arm, and a severe concussion. There was also bruising to the lungs, the kidneys, and heart along with other internal injuries. We’ll be monitoring those closely as well. We put him on a ventilator for now. Luckily his digestive system was unharmed so we were able to put him on a feeding tube.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Feeding tube?” Bobby interjects.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re keeping him in a medically induced coma for now to give his body some time to heal.” The doctor takes a deep breath as if gearing himself up to say the next thing to them. “We haven’t been able to determine how much damage has been done to his eyes. On the outside, they look fine but on the inside, there could be some pretty bad bruising from heat damage, shrapnel, etc. Also, we don’t know how much damage has been done to the optic nerve inside the brain from the shockwave of the blast. Those things will have to be determined when we wake him up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So he could be blind?” Hen asks the question they’re all thinking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a possibility he could be completely blind or partially blind.” At the shocked faces of everyone, the doctor is quick to add, “Or not at all.” He then continues with, “But with the burning around his eyes, I’d be very surprised if there wasn’t some kind of damage to them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Again, Hen asks the question everyone is thinking. “What’s his outcome look like?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor hesitates. “I don’t usually like giving my predictions to loved ones but-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s our job too,” Bobby says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor nods in agreement. “At the moment, I would say Mr. Diaz has about a fifty percent chance of survival.” Buck’s entire world flips at those words. He feels nauseous and has to swallow several times to keep the contents of his stomach down. “Mr. Diaz’s injuries are severe. The burns alone could kill him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can we see him?” Buck struggles to ask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll send a nurse out when we’ve got Mr. Diaz settled in the ICU. I suggest only two visitors at a time.” The doctor gives them an encouraging smile before then walking away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck collapses back into a chair, rubbing at his face with his hands. “Blind. Eddie could be blind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Hen sits down next to him, placing a hand on his back. “Let’s just focus on Eddie surviving first before we start thinking about worse case scenarios. It might not even be that bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You heard the doctor, Hen,” Buck counters, using his hand to gesture in the vague direction the doctor went in. “He’d be surprised if Eddie wasn’t blind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Partially blind,” Chimney says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Partially or not, he can’t be-” Buck snaps and has to take a deep breath to calm himself down. “He can’t be a firefighter if he can’t see.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe he’ll just need glasses,” Hen tries to reassure. “I wear glasses.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hen’s right,” Bobby says. “Let’s not dwell on worse case scenarios.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isabel walks up to the chair next to Buck and sits down in it, grabbing Buck’s hand and squeezing. “And if he is, we will deal with it and help him through it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck drags another hand down his face, feeling exhausted. “Right, right.” He looks around the group of people that are here to support Eddie. “Think positive.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>*~~~*</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another half-hour and finally a nurse comes out to allow Eddie some visitors. No one questions it when both Isabel and Buck stand up to be the first two. They follow the nurse down a long hallway and through a double door that reads “Trauma Center”. She takes them along a bunch of rooms with glass sliding doors, curtains blocking their views into the rooms, and a desk watchfully in the middle of the room. They walk until they reach room ten at the end and then the nurse gives them both the rundown of what they’ll see once in there; Eddie with a ventilator in his mouth, feeding tube through his nose, and bandages loosely covering his hands, torso, and part of his face along with over his eyes. She tells them to expect a nurse to come in every half hour to clean the burns and change the bandages, that the nurses working on him specialize in burn victims. She reassures them that Eddie is getting the best care possible.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somehow, it doesn’t make Buck feel any better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he does see Eddie, all bandaged and hooked up to machines, part of his face covered and not even being able to see his eyes, Buck’s stomach flips and he almost throws up. If there was anything in his stomach, maybe he would have.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isabel walks up to Eddie and strokes her hand through his hair. She grasps onto his hand, sitting down in the chair. “Oh, my poor grandson.” She sounds like she is going to cry but then she takes a breath and it’s gone. “Look at what has happened to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck takes the chair on the opposite side, grabbing hold of Eddie’s other hand. It feels weird, holding Eddie’s hand and not being able to feel it because of the bandages. He’s used to gloves being the barrier (when the firetruck fell on Buck’s leg and when Eddie had dragged himself back to them after being buried alive forty feet down in a well.) This… this is too rough and delicate. Buck is afraid to injure him more. Isabel has the worse hand though. Buck might be able to hold just a little tighter, to secure his brain that everything is going to be okay, that Eddie won’t die.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He keeps his grip loose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie might die.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie might-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Buck,” Isabel gets his attention, Buck’s eyes snapping from Eddie’s covered hand to her brown eyes. “You going to be okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He must look awful for her to ask that. He nods, trying to smile but it comes out small and strained. “Yeah.” He feels sick and overwhelmed. Standing quickly, he drops Eddie’s hand. “I’m going to check up on Beth. I’ll send in one of the others.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Buck-” He doesn’t wait for her to stop him with whatever she was about to say. Instead, he retreats out of the room quickly, feeling his stomach reeling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He bursts back out into the waiting room, making everyone jump out of their seats. “Buck? What is it? Did something happen?” Bobby is on him in a second.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shakes his head. “No, no, I…” Buck licks his lips, swallows, and tries to will his heart to stop beating so fast. “One of you should go in. I want to check up on Beth.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She might not even be here anymore,” Hen says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I’m…” Another swallow. The lump in his throat is back. “No, she would have checked in to see how Eddie is doing.” They stare at him with too much sympathy. As if they feel sorry for him, as if he’s already lost his best friend (as if he’s already lost the man he’s been in love with for months now but they don’t know that and Buck is choking up again.) “Bobby, you should go in and see him.” Buck pushes past them then, practically running out of the waiting room and into a one-person men’s bathroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He locks the door behind him and leans up against the door, trying to take deep breaths. He’s having a panic attack, Buck knows this. It’s not his first rodeo in dealing with one but it’s not pleasant all the same. Hot tears roll down his cheeks as he gasps for air, shaking uncontrollably and sweating profusely. He tries to count to thirty, breath deep, count all the squares in the floor tiles, and eventually, </span>
  <em>
    <span>eventually</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he finally calms down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With one last shuttering deep breath, Buck splashes some cold water onto his face and runs his wet hands through his hair, making it stick up in all sorts of directions. Buck looks at his reflection in the mirror. He does look awful, as he had expected. His eyes are red, cheeks all splotchy, and the tip of his nose is also red.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Is Eddie ever going to see him again? Is he ever going to see Christopher again? Not being able to actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>see</span>
  </em>
  <span> his son is going to destroy Eddie, Buck knows. But Isabel is right. If Eddie does survive this, then Buck is going to be there for him, every step of the way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wiping his face dry, Buck leaves the bathroom and heads back to the waiting room, ignoring the eyes on him from his friends. They’re smart enough to know to leave him alone at the moment and he is thankful for that. Buck asks the receptionist at the desk if Isaac Hammond is still there and she affirms his suspicions. Letting him through to the rooms again, he enters back into the hall. This time, in the trauma center, he stops at room four.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck knocks on the glass door before entering, pushing the curtain back and out of his way. There inside the room, is Beth leaning against the curtain and glass wall the door slides into while Chloe lies on the bed, hugging her dad close. Beth looks at him when he approaches, shutting the door close behind himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” he says in greeting, going to lean on the glass as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shakes her head. Her eyes are red as if she’d been crying for a long time. “I couldn’t do it,” she says. “I couldn’t tell them to turn it off.” She gestures towards Isaac and Chloe. “That’s her daddy. How do I take… how do I take her daddy away from her, Buck?” She shakes her head again, shrugging. “I don’t think I’m ready to lose my husband. I can’t… we can’t.” Buck doesn’t know what to say. It’s an impossible situation with an impossible decision. She looks at him, sad eyes glistening. “How’s Eddie? Is he going to make it? I just… if he does maybe then… maybe Isaac still has a chance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wishes he had better news for her. “He’s stable right now but they’ve put him in a medically induced coma. He’s got some pretty bad burns, some broken bones, internal injuries, concussion.” He shakes his head, avoiding eye contact with her. Instead, he focuses on watching Chloe holding her dad. “It’s not good, Beth. It’s not…” he has to bite his bottom lip and wipe the back of his hand across his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth is looking at the floor, looking lost and defeated. “I’m sorry.” Chloe has started crying. Buck suspects it’s not the first time. “How did this happen?” Beth’s voice cuts through Buck’s musings, making him jump slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He turns to her and she’s looking at him with wide eyes that are justifiably angry. “They had canisters of highly explosive material in the factory illegally. We didn’t know about it because dispatch didn’t know about it. If we had known, we would have approached the situation differently.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes are full of barely contained rage. “Do you think the company will get sued?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck shrugs. “They’ll probably get a fine for having explosive materials without a permit. Maybe the owner will get jail time, it depends. As for getting sued, that’s up to the families of the employees and firefighters who lost their lives, as well as you…” Buck swallows thickly, the next part hard to say. “And Eddie’s family.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth turns back to watch her daughter who has now stopped crying again. “I hope they do.” Her hands are clenched next to her side and her teeth are grit together. “They ruined our lives.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck has nothing to add to that. He’s angry and sad and frustrated and he hopes the owner of the company suffers for what he has just caused. Because Beth is right. They ruined everyone’s lives.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Including his.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>It's slow going to Buddie content but I swear it's coming!!</p><p>Thank you for reading!</p><p>
  <a href="https://angelcamael.tumblr.com/">Tumblr</a>
  <br/>
  <a href="https://lopithecusfanfiction.tumblr.com/">Fanfiction Tumblr</a>
</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Bit of a longer chapter this time! Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Buck does manage to eventually sit by Eddie’s side without causing a panic attack. In fact, he stays there the whole night, keeping constant vigil and obsessively reading his vitals. One of the downsides of being a first responder is knowing what they all mean. Maddie even brings him a change of clothes so he can change out of his turnout gear in the bathroom. Maddie hadn’t looked happy when he had handed her the heavy uniform and told her to bring it back to the station, that Bobby would know what to do with it. She ended up calling Chimney, who then showed up to retrieve it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie had spiked a fever during the night. Buck can’t drag his eyes away from the screen that is telling him Eddie’s temperature at the current moment is 103°F. The doctor, who had stopped by because of this, told him that it is most likely caused by shock. He orders a battery of treatments for it, including things to help stabilize Eddie’s blood flow and blood pressure, as well as changing some of the antibiotics they already had him on. He also informs Buck that the nurses will keep their eyes out for any of the burns becoming infected.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next day, Eddie’s parents show up. Helena enters the room first, gasping at the sight of her son, followed by Ramon who frowns. “Oh my God,” Helena exclaims, reaching for her son’s face but stopping abruptly. She looks over to Buck. “Can I touch him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck nods and swallows. “Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She lays her hand down on his cheek gently, right over a bandage. “My poor baby.” She sounds like she’s about to cry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We would have been here sooner but the earlier flight we booked got canceled,” Ramon informs him. He, too, approaches Eddie but doesn’t touch him. His eyes glance over to where Buck’s got a firm grip on Eddie’s left hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck follows his eyes, refuses to be ashamed by it, and says, “It’s probably best to not touch his right hand. It got pretty badly burned.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How bad?” Helena asks, not even looking away from Eddie’s face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Third-degree with nerve damage.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nerve damage?” Ramon sits down in a chair next to where his wife is standing. “What kind of nerve damage?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck shrugs, watching him closely. He’s glad Ramon has hopefully decided now is not the time to bring up why Buck is holding Eddie’s hand. Not that Buck would ever admit his feelings towards Eddie to his father when Eddie doesn’t even know how Buck feels. “Not as bad as it could have been.” He shrugs. “The gloves, they’re made for fires but this… our gear isn’t made for explosions hence why he got burned on his hands and chest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So his left hand is burned too?” Helena finally sits down as well, pulling a chair over next to Ramon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck nods. “Yeah, but not as bad as the right. No nerve damage as far as the doctor can tell.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And his face?” Ramon asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck hesitates, glancing at Eddie’s bandaged face. “Yet to be determined. Also, the thing about burns, is they can start out as a mild burn and then become worse. So a second-degree burn can become a third-degree burn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because the heat from it continues to do damage. Luckily, the doctor thinks they got to the ones on his chest quickly enough to make sure that doesn’t happen,” Buck informs them, lessening some of their worries.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why is his right hand worse than the left?” Ramon inquires.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck shrugs. “Who knows. The gloves were almost </span>
  <em>
    <span>melted</span>
  </em>
  <span> onto his hands. The right one probably… melted more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His parents don’t comment on that, looking more worried than before now. Helena is stroking Eddie’s arm while blinking away tears and Roman stares at the ground, scowl set in place. Buck wonders if he’ll cry about his son or if he’s too “manly” to do that in front of Buck. Buck has no qualms about crying in front of them. He would do it if he hadn’t exhausted himself earlier from already crying so much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Has Christopher seen him?” Helena speaks up, her voice jarring in the quiet of the room. They don’t even have the monitor that reads all of Eddie’s vitals making the beeping sound to go along with Eddie’s heartbeat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck shakes his head. “No. Isabel, Carla, and I thought it best for Christopher to not see him for now, but he’s going to have to eventually. We don’t know how long they are going to keep him in the coma.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Helena nods at that. “Maybe wait a few days, a week maybe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t keep a son from his father,” Ramon argues.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Helena turns to him, anger present in her eyes. “He’s nine years old, Ramon.” She gestures towards Eddie’s prone figure. “This will terrify him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s still his father and he should see him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but in a few days,” she snaps. “We don’t even know if Eddie is going to surv-” she cuts herself off, choking on the words and tears start streaming down her face. She tilts her head down and places a hand over her mouth to try and stifle her sobs but it doesn’t work well. Ramon is scowling in distress again but he doesn’t touch his wife or try to comfort her. So Buck does.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gets up out of his chair, lets go of Eddie’s hand, and walks around the bed to kneel down next to her. He places a hand on her back gently and rubs up and down. “Eddie is going to be fine.” She shakes her head in protest, opens her mouth, but a sob only escapes, body jerking with the noise. “He is. He’s strong and a fighter. He’s not going to die. He’s not going to leave his family, especially his son. He will fight his way back for that kid. I’ve seen it before. He’ll do it now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Helena is looking at him now, tears falling across her cheeks every time she blinks, and her eyes are red and puffy. She nods, grabs Buck’s hand, and squeezes. “He will.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck nods in affirmation and squeezes back. “And I think you’re right. We’ll wait a few days before Christopher sees him, give us time to explain what’s going on and prepare him. But I do think he should see him before the bandages come off.” Buck shakes his head regrettably. “I’ve seen </span>
  <em>
    <span>a lot</span>
  </em>
  <span> of burns in this line of work. It’s going to be scarier without the bandages than with them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Helena agrees and Ramon doesn’t say anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the quiet starts to become deafening, Buck stands back up and goes back to his own chair, sighing loudly. “How long are you two staying?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ramon answers him. “About a week.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then Helena pitches in, as if she has the urge to explain themselves. “It’s not that we don’t want to stay longer and be here when he wakes up but we have work. We can only stay away for so long.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck nods in understanding. “I understand.” He smiles at her, trying to convey that he’s not judging them. “I have a shift to go to in a couple of hours.” A twenty-four-hour shift to be exact and Buck has gotten zero sleep since yesterday. He’s going to have to chug gallons of coffee before and during the shift. He shrugs. “Life has to go on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Helena is frowning. “He’s our baby though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The doctor is probably not going to wake him for weeks, Helena,” Buck informs her. “You can always try to come back when they do and in the meantime, Isabel and I will keep you informed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiles back at him but the look is sad. “I appreciate that, Buck.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>*~~~*</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next few days go from bad to worse, to back down to just bad. By day three of being in the hospital, Eddie’s fever spikes dangerously causing hyperpyrexia. Despite already pumping Eddie with antibiotics, the doctor suspects one of his burns might have gotten infected and caused sepsis. He takes some blood to test for it all while urgently telling nurses how he wants Eddie’s fever to be treated for now. Since they aren’t positive that it is sepsis, the doctor ups Eddie’s fluid intake to keep him hydrated, gives him fever-reducing medication, and tells the nurses to put some cold, ice packs around his body but to avoid the bandages. They also take out the feeding tube just in case Eddie ends up having a seizure due to the fever, which does end up happening and scaring the shit out of Buck who had just come to visit after his twenty-four-hour shift. After that, they give him some dantrolene to relax his muscles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The treatments help reduce Eddie’s fever back to a more manageable temperature and, in the end, the doctor determines it is sepsis. The doctor switches Eddie off the IV and instead places him on a central line that will make it easier to give Eddie medication and nutrition for several weeks. He then begins treating Eddie for the sepsis by giving him, yet again, a different regime of antibiotics, vasoactive medications to increase Eddie’s blood pressure, insulin to stabilize blood sugar, and corticosteroids to reduce inflammation. The doctor also starts Eddie on dialysis to assist the kidneys and hopefully prevent any damage that could be caused by the sepsis.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once Eddie is back to being stabilized and receiving all his treatments, the Diaz’s and Buck decide they should probably let Christopher see his dad sooner rather than later. The decision, to Buck’s heartache but something he can’t deny, is stemmed from the fact that Christopher has the right to see his dad one last time in case Eddie doesn’t make it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In case Eddie dies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So Isabel and Carla bring Christopher to the hospital after school where he meets up with Helena, Ramon, and Buck outside Eddie’s room. The curtain is drawn over the door so the nine-year-old can’t see inside yet, but Christopher glances over to it nonetheless. He looks nervous and scared. As soon as the three reach them, Ramon and Helena immediately start arguing on how they should approach and handle the situation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop!” Buck interrupts them, holding his hands up. “You’re just making this worse.” He gestures towards Christopher who has been standing there silently, biting his bottom lip and shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “You’re scaring him.” Ramon opens his mouth to reply but Buck ignores him, shaking his head, “Just let me…” Buck kneels down and places his hands on Christopher’s shoulders, turning the boy to face him. “Hey, Buddy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Christopher tries to smile at him but it doesn’t reach his eyes and it’s the saddest thing Buck has ever seen. “Abuela said that Dad got really hurt. Is he okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck doesn’t know how to answer that question. “He’s fine,” he tells the boy, deciding to not go with the full picture. Eddie </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> fine… for now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why couldn’t I see him before now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck tries to give Christopher his best reassuring smile but he knows it doesn’t help. “Because the doctors needed to do their job and take care of your dad without a lot of people here first.” He pokes at Christopher’s chest gently. “But, now that they’ve gotten your dad all settled in, they say more people can come and see him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like us?” Christopher asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck nods and sniffles, feeling emotional. “Yeah, Buddy, like us.” He briefly looks over to the door to Eddie’s room and then back to Christopher. “Listen, Chris, when we get in there, it’s going to look really scary, but your dad is in the best hands possible, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Abuela said that Dad has a lot of bandaids on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck squeezes the nine-year old’s shoulders. “Yeah, he does, and it’s okay to be scared but everything that is on him or attached to him is there to help him get better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Christopher is frowning. “Abuela also said Dad was going to be sleeping and that he will sleep for a long time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Again, Buck nods. “That’s also to help him get better. It’s so his body can focus on healing instead of him worried about us worrying over him.” That makes Christopher genuinely smile and Buck takes the win. “You ready, Superman?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll stay with me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be right beside you,” he reassures and Christopher nods bravely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck stands back up and walks beside Christopher as they enter Eddie’s room, the rest of the family behind them. All the preparation in the world couldn’t have stopped Christopher from crying as soon as he saw his dad and Buck is immediately crouched beside him again, wrapping him up in his arms. Christopher encircles his arms around Buck’s torso, crutches smacking Buck in the back hard but he doesn’t mind. His only concern is comforting Christopher at the moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Christopher cries for a while and he won’t let anyone else touch or comfort him except for Buck. So Buck lifts him up and walks back over to the chair that he usually occupies. Christopher sits on his lap, crying into his shoulder, as Buck runs his fingers soothingly through his hair. After several minutes, he finally calms and glances over to Eddie, sniffling loudly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to sit with him?” Buck asks Christopher.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Christopher shrugs. “I don’t want to hurt him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck shakes his head and picks Christopher up as he stands. “You won’t, I promise.” He carefully sets Christopher down on the bed next to Eddie. Christopher almost immediately settles himself down into a lying position, pulling himself close to hug his dad and burying his face into the crook of Eddie’s neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck looks up at Isabel and the rest of the family to see them all watching Christopher with sad expressions on their faces. He exchanges a concerned look with Carla before he hears a knock at the door. Turning to face who it is, he’s not surprised to see Bobby standing there. Bobby has been visiting Eddie and Hammond every day just as Buck has been.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, am I interrupting?” Bobby asks as he visibly swallows at the sight of Christopher lying with his dad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, of course, not Bobby,” Buck answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually, he is,” Ramon then speaks up, turning to face the two. “This should be family only.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Carla crosses her arms. “Excuse me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ramon scowls. “It should be family here to comfort Christopher, not the aid and,” he looks towards Buck, eyes narrowing and Buck knows he’s thinking about when Buck had held Eddie’s hand. “Some random </span>
  <em>
    <span>adult</span>
  </em>
  <span> friend of his father’s.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck swallows down his anger as Isabel starts talking. “Buck and Carla are just as much Christopher’s family as the rest of us here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Carla looks just as pissed as Buck feels but before she can say anything, Bobby is stepping into the room more, holding up both his hands. “How about we don’t discuss this in front of Christopher?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck’s heart plummets into his stomach as realization dawns on him that the kid probably heard that whole thing. He turns to Christopher who has sat up now to watch what was going on. Tears are streaming down his face at a steady pace. “I don’t want Buck or Carla to leave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Helena and Ramon share a glance but it’s Buck who makes his way over to Christopher, sitting down on the edge of the bed and hugging him close reassuringly. “We won’t leave if you don’t want us to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You promise?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Buck?” It’s Bobby again who has approached. “I do need to talk to you for a second.” He looks around the room. “Not in here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Letting go of Christopher and looking him straight in the eyes he says, “I’ll be right back, I promise. I’m just going to be right outside that door.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I’ll still be here,” Carla inputs, coming to take Buck’s place on the bed beside Christopher.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Christopher nods and when Buck is sure that he’ll be fine, he follows Bobby outside the room. “What is it? Is it Hammond?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Bobby says, shaking his head. He swallows, not unlike before when he had first arrived and seen Christopher, and then continues. “The funeral for Briggs, Garret, and Sinclair is tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A lump suddenly forms in Buck’s throat. “Oh…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All of the crew is going to be there but you don’t have to come if you don’t want to,” Bobby continues.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck shakes his head. “No, I’ll be there. Definitely. It’s just…” He peers over at the door to Eddie’s room. The curtain is drawn closed so he can’t see anything. “Eddie’s going to hate that he missed it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bobby’s eyes are shiny when Buck looks back at him again. “Well, let’s focus on not having one for him as well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nods in agreement, licking his lips and trying to swallow past what is lodged in his throat. “What about Hammond?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bobby sighs heavily, swiping a hand over his eyes. “No, change.” He then shrugs. “But as long as Eddie is still alive, Beth refuses to pull the plug.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, she basically told me the same thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If Eddie pulls through this, Buck…” Bobby doesn’t finish, shoulders slouching and Buck can see how much this whole situation is affecting Bobby. The older man looks tired with bags under his eye and a perpetual frown set in place. But Buck doesn’t need Bobby to finish. He knows what is being unsaid; that if — and Buck doesn’t even want to think about that </span>
  <em>
    <span>if</span>
  </em>
  <span> — Eddie survives this, Bobby is going to have to talk to Beth about finally saying goodbye and letting go of her husband and father of her child. Because they all know that Hammond is already dead, being kept alive by machines, whether Eddie makes it himself or not.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can do it,” Buck volunteers because he can’t stand the look of anguish and guilt and responsibility on Bobby’s face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bobby shakes his head. “Buck, no. It’s my job.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can do it, Bobby,” he reaffirms, making it clear in his voice that there is no room to argue. “I’ll do it. I’ll tell her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bobby watches him closely with so much pain in his eyes that it’s almost unbearable to see. He doesn’t argue with him though and instead nods minutely, resigning to Buck’s offer. Licking his lips one last time and taking a deep breath to steel himself, Buck turns back towards the room. “Come on, we better get back inside.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bobby follows silently and once back in the room, Buck goes and holds Christopher tight as they both sit on the edge of Eddie’s bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>*~~~*</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck decides he hates suits. Whenever he has to wear one, it’s either for something bad or something bad happens (when he choked during his date with Abby, the lawsuit hearing, and now the funeral of three of his crew members.) Everybody is dressed in nice outfits while Bobby is dressed in his Captain’s uniform. The universe even has the decency to rain as if it were crying right along with them in the most cliché way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck also hates when funerals are depicted in movies and TV shows because it’s never realistic. Not everyone dresses in black and not everyone has a black umbrella to bring along with them. As Buck looks around the people gathered, he sees blues and purples and even a goddamn rainbow umbrella. But one thing the movies and TV shows always get right is the sad faces, the crying, and the sullen atmosphere. The air is so heavy with sorrow and grief and loss, that it makes it hard to breathe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck holds his dark blue umbrella over his head, eyes downcast as he listens to the funeral conductor talk. He stands with Chimney and Hen while Bobby stands towards the front with others that have a higher standing than them. The three caskets upfront each have their own U.S. flag draped over them and when the funeral conductor is done, each one gets carefully folded and handed off to a family member.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s the first time Buck has had to go to a colleague’s funeral, let alone three of them with a possible fourth — Buck refuses to acknowledge there might be a fifth one to add as well — colleague in the future. They each are given the opportunity to say something but Buck doesn’t and neither does Hen or Chimney. Bobby makes a speech given that he’s the Captain and is expected to but Buck can tell it’s difficult for him to do so.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, the mingling starts, and Buck somehow managed to make it through the whole ceremony without crying. He briefly talks to Briggs, Garret, and Sinclair’s family, telling them his condolences. They all have sad, haunted eyes and it makes the heavy weight that has placed itself on Buck’s chest since the funeral started, even heavier. He feels like he can’t breathe and he’s getting too emotional he knows this, but these were three of his friends and it could have been — still could be — Eddie and Buck can’t handle that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So he sneaks off a little ways away, rubbing a hand down his face and taking deep breaths to try and calm himself down. He sits down on the ground, under a tree, and draws his knees up, tilting his head down between them. This is all becoming too much and he’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>feeling</span>
  </em>
  <span> too much and doesn’t know how to handle it, how to cope.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Buck jumps at the sound of Beth’s voice. He had seen her at the funeral but hadn’t had a chance to talk to her. “May I sit with you?” Buck nods. She has obviously been crying. With a heavy sigh, she lowers herself down next to Buck, leaning against the tree. “You okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck shrugs. “I just needed a breather.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, me too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They sit there in silence for a long time, long enough to watch the crowd for the funeral start to disperse. Buck turns to her, frowning. “Beth, listen-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not ready,” she says, cutting him off as if already knowing what he was about to say. Buck supposes she does, seeing that they are at a funeral for people who were in the same explosion as her husband.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beth, he’s gone,” Buck tries, voice gentle and soft.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eddie’s not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck shakes his head, twists to face her better. “That doesn’t matter. It’s not going to change Isaac’s situation.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Situation.” Her frown deepens and her eyes glisten over with fresh tears. “You make it sound so simple.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know it’s not, Beth, but-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How?” She turns to him angrily, tears rolling down her cheeks. “How could you possibly know? Chloe is crying herself to sleep every night because she misses her daddy. I met Isaac when we were both in high school. He is my best friend, my husband, the love of my life, and father to our beautiful daughter. So, please, Buck, tell me again how you know how hard this is!” She yells the last part, standing abruptly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck scrambles after her, standing as well. “Okay, so maybe I don’t understand completely but Eddie means a lot more to me than you think.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, and you’re giving him a chance to get better! Why can’t you give Issac the same?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because he’s already dead, Beth!” Buck didn’t mean to say it as harshly as it came out but he’s feeling overwhelmed, hurt, mournful, and depressed. Taking a deep breath, he tries to calm himself and says more gently, “He’s gone, Beth. The machines are keeping his body alive now and once they turn it off… his body can’t do it for him. I’m sorry, Beth, but he’s too far gone to get better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes are fire, the glare she is shooting Buck filled with hurt and fury. Beth shakes her head, takes a step back. “No.” Another step back and she points at Buck. “No. Why does </span>
  <em>
    <span>Eddie</span>
  </em>
  <span> get to live while my husband dies?” She shakes her head again, tears slipping down her face. “I am </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> giving up on him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beth-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stay the hell away from me!” she yells at him and then turns on her heels, stomping away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck chokes on his heart that is beating in his throat and everything goes blurry as tears fill his eyes. They fall down his cheeks when he tries to blink them away. Everybody is gone now, having left the funeral, and Buck is standing there all alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Crying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>*~~~*</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Weeks go by, Buck doesn’t talk to Beth and gets news on Hammond through Bobby or Hen or Chimney, and no one is surprised that he hasn’t gotten any better. Eddie’s parents also go back to El Paso, with Helena telling Buck to keep her informed and up to date on Eddie’s condition while Ramon barely says two words to him. It gets easier and easier for Christopher to see his dad and the kid now comes by almost every day after school with Carla to read a book to Eddie, either sitting on the edge of the bed or in Buck’s lap. He’s also staying with Eddie’s Abuela for the time being and sometimes with Buck when Buck actually bothers to go home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It becomes routine for Buck, a habit now, to go see Eddie whenever he can. If he’s not working a shift, then he’s sat next to Eddie’s hospital bed, obsessively watching Eddie’s vitals. They spike and wane, spike and wane, and Buck swears he’s going to have a heart attack if Eddie doesn’t stop scaring him. He will sit there, next to Eddie, for hours just talking nonsense to him, rambling about anything and everything possible while holding onto Eddie’s left hand like a lifeline. Sometimes he joins Bobby in the cathedral, despite not being religious himself, but can tell on the really bad days that Bobby needs the company. Maddie becomes concerned about all the time he’s been spending in the hospital (he hardly ever goes back to his apartment now, only to take a shower and change his clothes. He eats at the hospital and sleeps in the chair next to Eddie’s bed), but he brushes off her worries and tells her he’s fine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because he is.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe he’s a little stressed and maybe he’s having nightmares and so terrified to leave Eddie for more than an hour that he is practically having panic attacks at work, but he’s fine and managing. He manages to hide his anxiety from his coworkers and has his panic attacks in the bathroom instead of where he can be seen. Buck will call the hospital every hour while on shift to get updates and he’s sure the nurses are getting annoyed with him but he doesn’t care. It’s the only way to lessen the anxiety he feels while at work.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t know what he would do if Eddie died while he wasn’t there with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But eventually, Eddie does finally stabilize out with his vitals looking more normal and the doctor is starting to actually look hopeful instead of his usual melancholy expression whenever it comes to Eddie’s outcome. To Buck’s relief, Eddie improves day by day. His fever finally comes down, his broken bones start healing nicely in their casts, and the burns are even starting to slowly but surely heal into pale scars. The nurses eventually take off the bandages on Eddie’s torso, leaving the burns out to get air and some of the bandages come off Eddie’s face. They leave the bandages on Eddie’s hands and over his eyes though, as those were the most significantly burnt areas. Overall, Eddie’s prognosis is looking better and better each day and the relief Buck feels at that is unmeasurable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then finally, one day, after seven weeks of being in the hospital, the doctor tells Buck on one of Buck’s many routine visits, that they are finally going to wake Eddie up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In two days.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck’s heart almost beats out of his chest with the anticipation while at the same time he’s nervous. What if something goes wrong before then? What if something goes wrong after? There are so many different possibilities. But one thing Buck knows for sure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s going to be a hard road going forward.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you all for reading!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Buck doesn’t sleep that night after he’s told they are going to wake up Eddie in two days’ time. Or, at least, he tries to sleep but fails. Instead, he is up most of the night staring at the monitor, watching the thin white line going up and down in the rhythm of Eddie’s heartbeat. They’ve slowly taken him off the ventilator a few hours ago to make sure that Eddie can breathe on his own and once they were satisfied that he can, they hooked him up to a nasal cannula.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck has a shift he has to go to in a couple of hours despite not sleeping. He debates with himself whether or not to call in sick. Not because he’s tired, he’s way too wired for that, but because he doesn’t know if he could stand being away from Eddie for long periods of time at such a crucial time. He needs to be here just in case something goes wrong. The nurses reassure him more than once that, at this stage, it’s very unlikely that anything will happen and that they will update him on his hourly calls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It doesn’t calm Buck down any but it does somehow give him the strength to get up, drive home, take a shower and get dressed, and then drive to work. He gets there late but it’s okay because, by now, everyone knows where he’s coming from. Some of the other crew members ask him about Eddie and he gives them the good news before hightailing it to the locker room where Chimney and Hen are standing there, waiting to ambush him. He tries to sigh discretely at seeing them, having come to the locker rooms to not only change but to hide from all the prying eyes and questions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Hen is the first one to greet him, her eyebrows furrowing. “You look tired, Buckaroo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did something happen?” Chimney asks next, leaning against the lockers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck shakes his head as he makes his way over to his locker, unlocking it and starting to change. “They’re waking Eddie up tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The room plummets into silence as the other two take in that information. “I’ll be there,” Hen says after a minute, nodding pointedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have to work tomorrow,” Chimney sounds regrettable, frowning at the fact that he won’t be there to support his friend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure we can get someone to cover you.” Hen shrugs. “We’ll talk to Bobby.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck finishes pulling on his uniform, feeling his anxiety rising incrementally. “I haven’t told Bobby yet.” They look at him. “I haven’t really told anyone yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isabel? His parents? Christopher?” Chimney clarifies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck shakes his head. “What if… what if I tell them and something happens?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like what?” Hen inquires. “I thought Eddie was doing better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. He-he has been but…” Buck takes a deep breath. It’s suddenly way too hard to breathe. “It’s been… There have been so many close calls…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hen walks up to him and places a hand on his shoulder, squeezing. “Eddie will be fine. He’s getting better and if he wasn’t, they wouldn’t be waking him up. Nothing is going to happen to him, Buck.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck nods slowly but Hen’s words don’t help him at all. “I’ve got to go tell Bobby.” He pushes past Hen and walks by Chimney without another word. He finds Bobby in his office. “Bobby, can I talk to you for a second?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bobby gestures towards the chair that is situated in front of his desk. “Of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck enters the office, closes the door, and sits down in the offered chair. He clears his throat, willing his hands to stop shaking. “Eddie is going to be woken up tomorrow.” Bobby nods, a ghost of a smile pulling at the edges of his lips. “Chimney has to work but he was wondering if maybe someone could cover him so he can be there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’ll see what I can do. I want to be there as well,” Bobby says. The older man then looks Buck up and down. “You doing okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck shrugs. “I’m doing alright. Nervous, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bobby gives him a reassuring smile. “He’ll be fine, Buck.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bobby, in this line of work, I’ve been taught to always expect the worst to happen. There’s still time-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Buck,” Bobby interrupts. “Eddie is waking up tomorrow. Let’s not drown our relief and excitement for that in the worry of worse case scenarios.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck looks to the floor, nodding minutely. He doesn’t have the energy to argue with him. “He might still be blind,” he says quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll just have to wait and see.” Bobby shifts and his chair creeks, causing Buck to look up. “Are they going to test it right away?” Buck shrugs. The doctor hadn’t told him anything about testing Eddie’s sight and before Buck can state that, the bell rings. Bobby stands, sighing heavily. Buck knows this whole thing hasn’t been easy for him either. “Duty calls, Buck.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Again, Buck nods and follows Bobby out, jogging to the firetruck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>*~~~*</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck does eventually tell Eddie’s family and Eddie’s parents get a flight out that afternoon, arriving that night. They convene at Isabel’s with Buck coming over to check on Christopher before going back to the hospital to spend the rest of the night with Eddie. The first thing Buck is greeted with when he steps into the house is a lecture.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You look too tired and thin,” Isabel chastises. She immediately hands him a donut from the half a dozen she had picked up after Christopher had begged her for some.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiles at her sheepishly. “Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You need to start taking better care of yourself, Buck.” She starts walking away and Buck follows her throughout the house.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before this whole thing happened, Buck and Isabel hadn’t really known each other all that well. She knew Buck and Eddie were close friends and that Buck looked after Christopher sometimes, that Buck loves that kid almost as much as, if not just as much as, Eddie but her and Buck never really spoke much. After the accident, however, they’ve gotten to know each other a lot better. They’ve had long conversations with one another as they both sat next to Eddie in the hospital. Isabel always came by to visit her grandson every day and Buck was almost always there, never leaving Eddie’s side unless absolutely necessary. So it wasn’t hard to see each other and interact with one another. Now, she treats him as if he were her friend too, or maybe, if Buck really thinks about it, like Eddie’s boyfriend. Buck doesn’t correct her line of thinking and she never asks him, which Buck is grateful for.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, ma’am,” he says which earns him a playful glare. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the living room is Christopher with his grandparents. All three of them are on the floor, playing with a train set that Buck knows Eddie had bought Christopher for his birthday. Christopher hears him and Isabel enter the room and immediately jumps up. “Buck!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Buddy!” Buck crouches in order to give Christopher a hug. When he pulls back, he holds out the strawberry frosted donut to him. “Here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A wide grin spreads across Christopher’s face. “Thanks, Buck!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isabel swats him on the back of the head as Christopher turns around and heads back to the train set. “That was for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, Isabel,” Buck starts, standing. “I can’t resist that charming Diaz smile.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So I’ve gathered,” she comments, making Buck blush a deep red.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Helena and Ramon walk up to them, leaving Christopher to it. “Hello, Buck,” Helena greets, giving him a quick hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck gives the two his sweetest smile he can possibly manage. “It’s good to see you two again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wish it was under better circumstances,” Helena says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck nods in agreement. “Me too.” He then looks past their shoulders to the nine-year-old playing on the floor. “Have you told him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ramon nods. “Yes. He’s excited. It’ll probably be hard for him to sleep tonight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s looking forward to finally talking to his dad,” Helena adds, a small smile in place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “Wait, you’re going to let him be there when Eddie wakes up?” Buck asks, astounded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ramon and Helena’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. “Of course,” Ramon says. “He’s Eddie’s son and deserves to be there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Plus,” Helena continues. “I’m sure Eddie would love to see him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See him?” Buck has to swallow to keep himself from raising his voice incredulously. “But he can’t see him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We don’t know that,” Isabel states but Buck is already angry at the nonchalance of the whole ordeal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, but they aren’t taking the bandages off his eyes before they wake him,” he states, trying to stay calm and quiet so Christopher can’t hear him. “What if they decide to take them off just after he’s woken up and he still can’t see? The whole thing is going to be traumatic and overwhelming enough as is. You don’t think not being able to see his kid who is </span>
  <em>
    <span>right there</span>
  </em>
  <span> won’t just add to that? No,” Buck shakes his head, determined. “No, Eddie needs to process the situation before he learns he might never set eyes on his son ever again.” He shakes his head again. “Not to mention how upsetting it’ll be to Christopher to have to learn that way that his father can’t see him and never will.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what are you suggesting?” Ramon asks him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck shrugs. “Christopher goes to school like normal and </span>
  <em>
    <span>if</span>
  </em>
  <span> Eddie is willing and wanting to, then we let Christopher see him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you suggesting Eddie won’t want to see his son?” Ramon accuses.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck refuses to be intimidated. They don’t seem to understand the extent of the situation. Buck has seen things like this many, many times in his life due to his work. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>knows</span>
  </em>
  <span> how traumatic this can be for both parties. “No, of course, Eddie’s going to want to see him but the point is, is that he </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> see. He’s going to have to have time to wrap his head around that and be allowed to feel… whatever it is he’s going to feel instead of worrying about making sure his kid isn’t scared.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think Buck is right,” Isabel speaks up, stepping closer to him. “Eddie will want to protect Christopher from whatever is happening. He shouldn’t have to be made to put up a front in such an emotional situation.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Helena and Ramon exchange glances with each other before Ramon talks. “Fine, but you will be the one to tell him.” He points to Buck, the unspoken words loud and clear. He wants Buck to be the bad guy, to be the one who breaks Christopher’s heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck frowns, trying to ignore the heavy weight that has settled itself on his chest. “Okay,” he says quietly, sounding small to even his own ears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He waits until Christopher is in bed before he talks to him. Buck tucks him in, sits on the edge of the bed, reads a book to him because Christopher begged him to, and then takes in a deep breath to begin talking. "Hey, Chris, listen, I know you're excited about your dad waking up tomorrow but I think it's best if you go to school and come see your dad later if he’s up to it."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck has a hard time looking at Christopher's crestfallen face, his heart breaking for the nine-year-old. "Why? he asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck sighs, running a hand on his thigh nervously, and explains in the best way he knows how. "Your dad is going to be really tired and confused when he does wake up and the doctors are going to want to do a bunch of tests on him. I think it would be less stressful for your dad and for you if there were fewer people there." He runs a hand through Christopher’s curls. “Do you understand?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… I think so,” Christopher looks up at him with those big blue eyes. “I trust you, Buck.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck pulls Christopher into a tight hug, the boy wrapping his arms around Buck’s shoulders. “Thank you, Christopher.” Placing a quick kiss on top of Christopher’s head, Buck pulls back, running his hand through those curls one last time. “Get some sleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stays there until Christopher falls asleep, praying that Eddie will be able to see his son again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>*~~~*</span>
</p><p>
  <span>By some miracle, they are all allowed to pack into Eddie’s room while they await the doctor’s arrival. Buck sits in his usual spot, holding onto Eddie’s left hand while his parents sit on the opposite side of the bed. Isabel, Bobby, Chimney, and Hen all stand around in various spots of the room. Eddie would probably hate all the attention he’s getting if he knew they all were there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck’s nerves are on overdrive. He can’t believe this day has finally arrived. He’s going to be able to talk to Eddie for the first time in </span>
  <em>
    <span>weeks</span>
  </em>
  <span> and it makes him feel giddy but anxious at the same time. He subconsciously squeezes at Eddie’s hand, watching his face closely. He wonders when the doctor is finally going to be coming to tell them when and how this whole process is going to play out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It takes another half hour before the doctor knocks on the door and enters. Everyone turns to him and his eyes widen with how many people are there. “Hello everyone,” he greets. Buck, Helena, and Ramon stand, buck rubbing his hands on his thighs nervously. “I guess I’ll get right to it then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor explains to them what is going to happen. He tells them that he is going to slowly decrease the amount of the drug that is keeping Eddie in the coma in order to transfer Eddie into the waking room as gradually as possible. He warns them that Eddie is probably going to be very groggy and confused at first, along with being pretty weak due to not moving for a while. He then says the one thing that Buck probably presumes Eddie’s parents didn’t want to hear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I believe it would be a less stressful transition into consciousness if there was only one person here when it happened. The rest of you are free to wait in here for a few hours since it will take a while for Mr. Diaz to waken, but I suggest only waiting for about two hours. Then you are welcome to wait out in the waiting room until we can exam Mr. Diaz more and let you know if he can see more people,” the doctor explains.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Helena grabs onto her husband’s hand. “Can it be two people? It’s just, we’re his parents and we would like to be here for it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before the doctor can even reply, Chimney is speaking up. “It should be Buck.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All eyes turn to Chimney. “What?” Ramon asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor holds up his hands. “I’ll let you all discuss who is going to stay for the process but if you do decide that it’ll be Mr. Diaz’s parents, then I see no problem in letting them both stay. A nurse will be in shortly to lower the dosage of Propofol that is being given to Mr. Diaz to keep him asleep.” He then leaves, giving them all an encouraging smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ramon turns back to Chimney. “What do you mean it should be Buck?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Think about it,” Chimney begins. “Eddie is going to want to act strong and tough for his parents and anyone else for that matter. He deserves to react to this situation in whatever way he needs to instead of pretending to be fine and hiding his emotions.” He shrugs. “And to be quite honest, Buck is the only person I’ve ever seen Eddie be vulnerable in front of to allow himself that kind of freedom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, that’s why we didn’t bring Christopher,” Helena states. “Because Buck thought the same thing, that Eddie would want to put up a front for him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And Buck is right, Eddie would do that but he would also do that for the rest of us as well, </span>
  <em>
    <span>except</span>
  </em>
  <span> for Buck.” Chimney shoves his hands into his pockets. “He’s definitely not going to show what he is really feeling in front of his family and, despite being friends with Eddie, Bobby, Hen, and I aren’t as close to him as Buck is.” Buck’s cheeks flame red. “Eddie trusts Buck more than anyone in this room and feels the most comfortable with him. Buck is Eddie’s best friend and so he’s more likely to let himself show his emotions, which is something he’s going to need to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The room grows quiet and Buck’s cheeks feel hot with embarrassment. Eventually, though, Ramon drags his eyes from Chimney to Buck and then to Eddie and back to Chimney. He gives a curt nod before saying into the silence of the room, “Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No one says anything about the subject after that, everyone silently agreeing with Chimney’s statement. A nurse does eventually come in and start reducing the dose of Propofol as the group makes meager chit chat but the air is now strained with emotions and anxiousness. After a couple of hours, they all start to shuffle out of the room, the first being Chimney and then Hen, followed by Bobby. Isabel leaves next, giving her grandson a quick kiss on the forehead. Helena and Ramon are the last to leave, Helena squeezing her son’s arm gently and kissing his cheek. Ramon places a hand on Eddie’s blanket-covered foot and says something so quietly, Buck can’t make out what it is. They both then leave after that, telling Buck they’ll be waiting out in the waiting room with the rest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another hour goes by and Eddie still hasn’t woken. The nurses reassure him that this is normal, that they are gradually reducing the medication so it could still be hours yet before Eddie wakes up. Every once in a while, Bobby or Isabel or Helena will pop their head in and check-in to see if Eddie has woken yet. Buck has to tell them that he’ll shoot them a text message when he does, that they don’t have to wait out in the waiting room if they don’t want to (they refuse to leave even at Buck’s persistence) and to stop coming in to check.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s why, when Buck hears a knock on the door, he’s immediately annoyed. He turns, expecting to see one of the three but is then surprised to see Beth standing there. The protective feeling Buck gets in his chest is overwhelming. He stands, stepping in front of the bed to block her view of Eddie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth links her hands together, shifting her weight onto one foot. “I heard Eddie was being woken up. I wanted to see for myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going to let you belittle Eddie’s survival to him,” Buck informs her. “Besides, the doctor only wants one person here when he wakes up”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nods, looking angry. “And, of course, it’s you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s your problem?” Buck asks, feeling annoyed. “I’ve done nothing but try and support you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Support me?” She takes a step closer to him. “Is that what you call telling me to let my husband die?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because he’s already gone, Beth. Eddie living isn’t going to change that,” Buck tries to reason. “That body that you keep visiting… isn’t alive anymore. The machines are keeping it viable so it doesn’t rot away but there’s nothing there. Your husband is gone, Beth.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” she snaps at him. “How is it fair that he,” she points over to Eddie, “gets to live while the rest of the people that were in that same explosion get to die? Why? Why him? Why not more of them? Why not my husband? If Eddie can survive it, why can’t Isaac?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beth,” there are tears streaming down her face now, eyes blazing with anger and jealousy and unadulterated grief. “I don’t know why and it isn’t fair.” He takes a step towards her. “But I do understand. I really do. Because at some point I had to accept the fact that Eddie might not survive this either. That I might have to say goodbye to someone I love.” It’s the first time Buck has admitted his feelings towards Eddie out load and it certainly isn’t how he had pictured doing it. It’s the only way he knows how to get through to Beth, though, so he tries to not think about it too much for now. “And accepting that, that I might lose him, it felt like I was dying too. But I did it anyway because I had to.” Beth says nothing, watching Buck, so he continues. “So no, it’s not fair, but </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> tell </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Beth, how is it fair that Eddie now has burn scars covering his body and that he might possibly be permanently blind? How is any of this fair to any of us?” He takes another step closer. “We were all screwed over by this accident that could have been easily avoided and the anger you are directing towards me should really be directed towards the people who caused it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not ready,” she cries.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No one is ever ready, Beth.” Buck reaches her, thinks about pulling her into a hug, but then decides against it. “But saying goodbye to Isaac, letting go of him, and moving on is better than holding onto a hope that is never going to come.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth reaches up, wipes at her face. “I don’t know what to do without him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Grieve,” Buck tells her. “And then live, not only for Isaac but for Chloe too because she needs you now more than ever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” Buck opens his mouth to respond when he hears a soft groan coming from Eddie’s bed. He looks over, seeing the older man stirring. Beth continues, catching Buck’s attention again. “I hope it works out between you two.” There’s another groan, causing Buck to snap his head in Eddie’s direction and when he turns back to face Beth, she’s gone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taking a deep breath and trying to push his feelings about that whole exchange away, Buck rushes over to Eddie’s bedside. “Eddie?” He grabs a hold of Eddie’s left hand. “Eds? Hey, it’s okay, you’re in the hospital.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie shifts, moving his head groggily. “Buck?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>*~~~*</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie wakes slowly, or at least, he thinks he wakes up. He can’t actually open his eyes to see where he is and he feels the panic starting to settle in. His breathing speeds up and his heart starts to pound hard in his chest but then he hears a familiar voice, a voice that could always calm him down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eddie?” He feels Buck grab his left hand, hears the creak of a chair as he sits. “Eds? Hey, it’s okay, you’re in the hospital.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Buck?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it’s me. I’m right here, man.” Eddie can feel the pressure of Buck’s thumb rubbing against his knuckles but it’s weird. He doesn’t feel the flesh of it. There’s something wrapped around his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And he can’t feel his right hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Panic surges through him again. “What?” His voice sounds thick and his words sound slurred. “What happened? Why… what’s on my eyes? Why can’t I…” he has to swallow, try and breathe. “Why can’t I feel my right hand?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Buck’s soothing voice comes through Eddie’s heavy breathing. “Hey, Eddie, it’s okay, calm down.” He sounds concerned which really doesn’t help Eddie’s worried state but he does manage to take a few deep breaths to relax.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s exhausted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on?” Buck is quiet and if it weren’t for the other man holding his hand, Eddie might have thought he had left. “Buck?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe the doctor should explain it to you.” The chair scrapes across the floor. “I should actually get a nurse.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” Eddie tries to tighten his grip on Buck’s hand but then realizes that he can barely move. He feels really weak, like a boulder is sitting on his limbs. “Please don’t leave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The slide of the chair against the floor tells Eddie that Buck has sat back down. He can hear Buck rub his hand against his jeans. “Eddie, I really think the doctor should explain things to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie tilts his head to the left, where he has been hearing Buck. “I want to hear it from you.” He’s having a hard time staying awake now, the crash of his panic-induced adrenaline rush exhausting him further. “Please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck takes a deep breath before he starts talking. His hand flexes in Eddie’s. “Do you remember what happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie tries to focus, groans a little when he tries to move his body but can’t find the strength, and recalls fragments of memories. He remembers the blinding light, hitting his head, the searing pain that had gone through his body. “Uh…” he starts tiredly. “Ex… explosion?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you should get some more sleep?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie shakes his head weakly. “No. I want… Explain.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another heavy sigh escapes from Buck’s mouth. It ghosts over Eddie’s face, making Eddie turn towards him more. “You’re right, there was an explosion. The factory had mixtures of chlorate and magnesium chloride in it. Do you remember?” Eddie nods his head slowly. “You and the rest of the crew members you brought with you, along with the employees, were in the room when the canisters blew up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The employees?” Eddie asks. “Did they…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck is silent for a few seconds before he says, “They didn’t make it, Eddie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie feels his heart plummet. “And the crew?” His voice cracks and he hates it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck doesn’t answer right away, he stays quiet for a very long time but Eddie still hears him swallow thickly in the dead silence. Then, when he speaks quietly, Buck’s voice sounds broken. “They all died, too.” Eddie lets out a ragged breath, feels how his whole body shudders with emotions. He sniffles. “Um… Hammond is on life support right now but…” A breath. “He’s gone, Eddie. Beth just needs to, uh, make the decision to… take him off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie’s crying and for the first time since he’s woken up, he’s glad there is something over his eyes so Buck can’t see the tears that are soaking it. He takes in a shaky breath and when he goes to let it out, it catches in his throat and a sob escapes instead. Buck’s hand tightens around his, another hand lands on his bicep. “I’m sorry, Eddie,” Buck says gently but his voice sounds thick, as if he’s crying too. “I’m so sorry, Eddie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… I was supposed to keep them alive,” he cries and wishes he didn’t feel so weak so he can bring a hand up to cover his face. “It was my responsibility.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Buck sniffles, hand leaving Eddie’s bicep and then coming back down wet, as if Buck had wiped at his face. “No, Eddie, this isn’t your fault. It’s the factory owners. He’s the one who didn’t disclose what they had in there. That’s not on you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wasn’t fast enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No one could have been, Eddie,” Buck reassures. “We shouldn’t have even been in there in the first place.” He pauses and Eddie takes in a trembling breath, calming. “Bobby has been a mess over it. He feels responsible as well but as I said, Eddie, the only one to blame is the factory owner. He put everyone at risk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck’s words really don’t help Eddie feel any less guilty but he does manage to stop crying. He’s the one who brought his coworkers and those employees into that room. He’s the one who didn’t move quickly enough to get them all out. He’s the one who led them straight to their deaths.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had told them they would be okay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s the one who lied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How did I survive?” he asks, voice now sounding even more ruined by his crying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. Some miracle, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie shakes his head. “Not religious.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s movement and suddenly Eddie wishes he could see what Buck is doing. “Neither am I.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My right hand… is it…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s still there,” Buck tells him. “Eddie, you got really badly burned. Some second-degree burns… some third. Your right hand was pretty bad. It is one of the spots that got the third-degree burns but also nerve damage.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie knows what that means. He’s seen it plenty of times out on the field during Afganistan and as a firefighter. “So I’m never going to be able to feel with that hand again,” he states.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hears more shifting from Buck’s side, can practically feel Buck’s nervous energy. “That’s not the worse thing that happened Eddie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie feels a chill run through his body. He knows what Buck is going to say next. It doesn’t take a genius to guess. “My eyes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck sighs heavily and the chair creaks. “Eddie, just keep in mind they don’t know the extent of the damage yet but…” Buck stops, as if he can’t bring himself to say it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie already knows. He’s seen this in Afganistan as well. The aftermath of an explosion can be brutal, including to the eyes or to the optical nerve. If it’s not the shrapnel that damages the eyes themselves, then it’s the shockwave that damages the optical nerve. Eddie shifts, tries to sink into the bed more. The movement makes him tired. “Is it partial or complete?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They don’t know yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it permanent?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck’s hand rubs against his bicep briefly. “They don’t know that either” Eddie nods, feeling a suffocating heaviness engulfing his chest. “Do you want to talk about it?” Buck asks, as if he had been expecting a different reaction from him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie shakes his head. He doesn’t want to talk at all right now. He doesn’t even want to accept that this is happening. “I’m tired.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hears Buck stand and he lets go of Eddie’s hand with one last squeeze. “Why don’t you get some more sleep and I’ll go get a nurse.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Footsteps sound across the floor. “Wait.” They stop. “Christopher? Where is he?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At school.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie nods in satisfaction, finally letting his entire body relax. “Good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The footsteps don’t start back up for a few seconds and then Buck’s voice calls out softly. “Get some sleep, Eddie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It doesn’t take him long to do just that.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Don’t worry, Eddie isn’t going to always have this nonchalant attitude about his situation. He’s just tired, probably a little bit in denial, and it hasn’t really sunk in yet.</p><p>Thank you all for reading!! ❤❤</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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